I recorded this video several months ago on youtube, with the audio sitting in my drafts waiting to be posted on substack. The title staring at me, the stream of consciousness dried up whenever I opened the blank doc. So it sat in my list of drafts and I couldn’t bring myself to delete it.
During this brutal snow day of sub degree temperatures, I decided to do the task of clearing storage and cleansing my photo albums. Starting with my screenshot folder I determined which recipes, funny quotes, youtube comments etc we’re going to stay and which we’re going to take the faithful path to the delete album. While tending to my digital clutter I found the inspiration to this piece:
I still remember how floored I was when I read it. So much said in very little words.
This screenshot has been in my phone for probably a year and a half. But a few months back there were two men in my world who were navigating dating as a father, and this retweet came to mind.
(Anthony and I know each other from the boxing world. He introduced me to a gym I used to train at and you can follow his boxing career on his instagram).
As I was listening to the stories my friends were sharing, it dawned on me this topic has a lot of intricacy and merit, but one we’re rarely discussing.
I began to think about the larger questions related to parenting, dating, standards and blended families.
But the central question I came to is: How are we holding women accountable?
And the next question… Can women handle it?
I’ve seen hilarious reels and serious panels revealing the lack of faith on women holding themselves accountable.. Somehow in the world of dad’s dating, this motif is prompting my own reflection.
You can watch the youtube video or listen on spotify to my current musings, but there’s a summation below for those who’d like the big picture.
I think there is information asymmetry in the dating world. There is a plethora of content about one side (moms) but very little about the other (dads). Here are a few of my theories why:
When men have standards they are perceived as discriminatory
ie. If he likes slim women, he’s fatphobic; if he wants a modest woman he doesn’t accept women’s sexual freedom
Father’s who have clear dating criteria with their children in mind, is assessing whether or not the woman is capable of mothering (a huge hit to the feminine psyche if not up to par)
Men speaking up about interpersonal/emotional dynamics is relatively new, I think discussing how they select women in dating simultaneously questions their fathering
Exploring this aspect of their personal world while being their daughters guardian is an extraordinarily vulnerable conversation to have
There are two elements of great importance to the masculine and feminine
Masculine sense of self and contribution if based on the depth of respect
Feminine sense of self and contribution is based on the width of love
I believe we have become very comfortable questioning a man’s sense of self but we don’t have the same stamina to question a woman’s
These are challenging conversations to examine a woman’s aesthetic, sexual behavior, emotional maturity and generosity to deem if she’s a good fit for a man
Quite the social faux pas
But when there’s children involved a discussion needs to be had
Check out more of my writing, videos, podcasts and series
Connect with your internal feminine archetypes by purchasing this meditation
Consider donating on paypal , cashapp , or venmo (@el_eanordavid) to support my work
Curious on more of my thoughts and ideas? You can check out my Instagram
Why Don't We Talk About Dad's Dating?