Hello all! And Happy Holidays :) Week 2 on the Femme Fatale commences. Today we discuss gluttony.
Respect
It’s no shock that relationship content has over saturated the market. Albeit, rarely do I find feminine teachers addressing respect.
This is a pillar of the masculine experience. It’s how he governs himself, moves through the world and associates with women.
If a man has not garnered respect by his peers we don’t think of him as a man.
It astonishes me that a man’s entire sense of self is missing in the teachings of attraction, connection and romance.
The closest thing we get to is how women dress. Her wardrobe is indicative of the level of respect she has for herself as a woman and even as a mother. I recognize the merit, but more sophisticated conversations need to be had about respect between the sexes that goes beyond crop tops and thigh high boots.
The femme fatale might not be respected by everyone (liked is probably more accurate), but it’s clear she respects herself. The way she operates reflects how men do. The key difference is she moves like a woman, not as a man. To understand the similarities we need to return to the pain and pleasure ratio.
We know a few things; to much pleasure lacks respect. If nothing was earned, no hardship endured, adversity absent or weak boundaries evident … little to no respect is achieved (from yourself or others).
The femme fatale knows how to insert just enough pain to earn respect and conduct herself with respect. Oftentimes it’s subtle. The pain could be standards, strict scheduling, attractive to most but available to a few etc. This is not a game of emotional hot and cold. It’s a very clear knowing of who she is, what she wants, what she needs and what it takes to get to where she’s going.
Women who have not activated the femme fatale create pain from a “lower consciousness”, or what I would deem immature. The challenge or “pain point” she creates for the masculine is emotional dysregulation, neediness and explosions. Overall she gives an experience of instability. This is what many teachings are emphasizing online. The principal of pain and pleasure is there, but it's elementary.
What’s attractive about the femme fatale is the defined container she’s created for herself. The lines she’s drawn around her identity, standards and path is precise. The man knows exactly what the shape is. She doesn’t change based on his preferences. Whether or not he cares for it, you can guarantee he respects it.
Gluttony
The signature of gluttony is similar to suffocation; stuffing something down with hardly any room to breathe.
A reminder, every sin is a unique form of distraction (and I’m beginning to think a coping mechanism). Gluttony believes you don’t have to address the elephant in the room if you keep drawing attention to a blue whale.
The expression of this sin will consume one thing past the point of satisfaction to avoid addressing what is truly the culprit.
The most common expression is food, but it’s not the only manifestation. Anyone can over consume shopping, tarot videos, netflix, the gym, defeating self narratives, information etc. The belief is, if I focus all my energy on what feels good, or at the very least what distracts me from what feels terrible, I can keep on keeping on.
No matter if it’s people, places or things, it all boils down to deflecting an emotional state.
The irony of gluttony is you insist on eating something while something else eats at you.
Masculine Experience
Gluttony creeps in the midst of a defeat. It’s a desire to acknowledge the efforts that were made through reward. A need for reprieve to refuel from exhaustion. At least, that’s the initial intention.
I’ve noticed when things aren’t going according to plan gluttony comes in to soothe a man’s qualms. A metaphorical cheat meal after the valiant effort from working out all week.
However, gluttony is a different reward system… it doesn’t reward progress it signifies lack of progress.
A pick me up that’s gotten a bit out of hand…
Instead of addressing what brought the descent, the shift in focus is to feel better about being down.
He unwraps and feeds himself the indulgence of excuse. It starts to taste better than overcoming the obstacle that originally presented itself.
Gluttony is a stagnancy. An avoidance energy from staying stationary.
In extreme forms it’s relinquishing accountability, which is destined to loose respect as time goes on.
He’s forgotten the true sweetness is preserving through hardship and coming out the other side. Motion is the solution.
Holly
Meet Holly, one of the most unsuspecting femme fatales. Holly is warm, she’s sweet and has a knack to make everything feel better. Her aura exudes cozy blanket, next to a fire place, smelling a cinnamon candle in a winter cabin.
Holly is warm and she feels like home.
How does this winter dream reflect gluttony?
Her appeal is being sweet. A little too sweet. Borderline cavity sweet.
Skillfully she’s the spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down.
Holly will make you feel better about missing the mark. She embraces you when things are rough. Her super power? Reassurance.
Unskillfully she’s the last bite of cake you knew you shouldn’t take.
The danger of Holly is spoon feeding you the niceties.
Holly makes you feel so good while you’re down… you’d rather not get back up. She may allow men to underperform, evade responsibility or excuse subpar behavior.
But the skillful application acknowledges where you are and speaks life into where you’re going. She addresses the pain of the current circumstances and wraps it into the pleasure of encouragement.
The femme fatale sees what you’re capable of and knows every cycle includes a decent. Holly tells you when you’ve had enough, that next piece of candy won’t do you any good. She recognizes the appeal of staying where you are and doesn’t shame you for your fears. Sometimes Holly sees more in you than you do in yourself. And somehow or another, she’s figured out how to speak to your present and future self in the same sentence.
And that feels so good to be around.
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Gorgeous & Gluttonous