Who's More Than Meets the Eye?

Recluse Archetype

We are in the second half of the Masculine Journey.

We began this series covering “conventional masculinity”. Now let’s shift to the expressions less recognized (which I’m really excited about).

Who better to kick us off then the recluse?

In extreme forms he can be a hermit, but try not to get hung up on his name. More times than not, the recluse is a man with a rich inner world. He is very spiritual and it’s rare for someone to reach his depth.

He’s not known for his optimism, but that’s not to say he can’t be upbeat or positive. However, his demeanor exudes mystery and intrigue.

If he doesn’t connect with spirituality, he’ll likely be into philosophy. Regardless of his beliefs he comes across as an old soul.

What I find with recluse men is they tend to have two faces, not in a fake way but a duality. He has an acceptable “real world” persona with a private cataclysmic experience.

From my observation, his “public face” acts as a shield or even distraction from his inner world. It can range from introversion to sarcasm or even cheerfulness.

A surprising example from Ayesha K Faines was Chris Brown. Someone I perceived as very animated and extroverted. His scandal with Rihanna is an example of the potential Maiden - Recluse pairing. In his worst form his secret side is abusive. It’s certainly not always the case or that extreme. But celebrities are a a great case study for dual living.

Most of the time as a women, you don’t know his true depth until you’re actually there. It can be invigorating or overwhelming.

Like every archetype, there’s a spectrum. In the best forms it’s deep, sexy and soulful. There’s a world created between the two that no one else has access to, and it can feel almost destined.

In the worst forms it’s dark, consuming and chaotic. It feels like you live one life above ground and another under water (for the man and the woman). It can be hard to gain control and balance the relationship with everyday life.

It’s very important for the woman to have a life of her own outside of this connection. For the less evolved recluse, he can bring women to a depth and then use emotional withholding to manipulate his attachment.

His growth edge is owning his world and letting others see it and choose to stay or go. The ultimate act of vulnerability is to share his thoughts, feelings and beliefs that reside in the shadow.

If he chose to let someone in, he may try his own techniques to make them stay. The emotional manipulation is his method of risk management.

This dynamic is exactly how the recluse operates in myth. He is Hades, King of the Underworld.

Don’t freak out. You can’t think too literal. The recluse represents the potential of the shadow.

It’s raw, dark, gritty, grimy and real.

Most don’t want to go there, aren’t willing, or brave enough.

But all of us need to.

For the recluse this inclination is second nature. Unfortunately, there’s a lot of inner turmoil for him due to the “white picket fence” narrative. He knows life isn’t that clean and it can be very frustrating to know one truth internally and see another reality externally.

As a result, when he acquaints himself with the “underworld” it can be very difficult to integrate with society. Or bring his whole self into a relationship.

When he realizes his dark nature doesn’t make him an outcast, he creates his own form of poetry. He’s very intuitive and quite the creative. It’s likely he has a personal outlet: writing, art, projects, fashion etc.

The recluse is interested in stability and deep connections. He’ll be an excellent partner and father because he doesn’t shy away from the harsh truths of reality. His balance will make him a stable force and fantastic protector and ally.

When he alchemizes his experience of both worlds, he recognizes the powerhouse he can be, becomes more confident as a man and channels his depth as a deeper lover.

The Conversation Continues if you’d like to join.

More on his compatibility with feminine archetypes of the maiden.

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