The Dark Knight
I imagine the tales of the Dark Knight were told in traditional circles around the fire. For the final piece in my series, I’ll do modern story telling.
Screenshots.
A couple weeks ago I went out with some friends.
We scored tickets to a UFC fight at the local casino. (For the record, that’s where I draw the line. Boxing all day. But the savagery of UFC is too gruesome for me). Despite that realization, we had a good time walking around, meeting new people and socializing.
Afterwards we went downtown to meet mutual friends. Jammed to spotify on the way there, walked around, danced a little and then I called it a night. I had an early work out the next day.
When I decided to leave, I said my round of goodbyes and was heading out. My friend looked at me, hesitant, calculating the risk ratio in his head. Knowing I was parked a few blocks away around the corner, wearing heels and the clock had struck midnight. He said, I’m not going to let you walk alone. I’ll go with you. He already called an uber for our other friend. I was ready to go, but he felt the night was still young and decided to stay. He let security know on our way out that he’d be back.
A quick aside:
This dynamic is valuable in more ways than I can describe. To have a platonic friend that watches out for you like he’s claimed you as one of his own, is a cherished jewel. Granted we carpooled, but there were four other male friends who were letting me part ways without a second thought as I bid my adieu. Maybe it didn’t cross their minds to walk me out or it did, and they simply didn’t offer. Or maybe they assumed my friend would take the lead? Regardless, it’s a quiet test I do, to see which men instinctually offer assistance. Some won’t jump to action, but will look at you, their eyes doing the math of your vulnerability multiplied by risk divided by their protection.
I usually know who will choose to act before anyone even moves.
(I’ve also made a point to be more vocal in asking someone to walk me to my car. Not from fear, but I like the masculine energy and think most men are willing, they’re simply not in the habit.)
This friend doesn’t need a verbal prompt. He walked me out, laughing while giving me a “would you rather” hypothetical. Would I settle for a dad bod if he had a shit ton of a money? An ancient question of women negotiating for men’s resources in modern language.
My answer is no. Money doesn’t excuse the body. Vain? Yes. Accompanied with my slight obsession of health. A body is indicative of other habits I pay attention to… This is coming from the girl leaving the club early to hit outdoor sprints at 8 AM the next day.
The night wasn’t too frigid, I was in my fur crop, got in the driver seat, called another man who popped up out of the blue, then hit the hay. I felt good about that night. It seemed like my friend rebounded from his rough phone call earlier that evening too.
It was a day or so after, when I followed up with him to make sure the aftermath of our departure was smooth sailing. And as you read … the waters got rocky and someone got rocked.
The voice memo described the altercation. It began with him seeing a man push a woman, my friend said something, the person hit my friend in the mouth, and in true fashion my friend finished what was started.
It got me thinking… have you noticed the man who instinctually protects women (honestly & genuinely) tends to be the same man who overtly confronts darkness when he sees it?
The protective defender who confronts the shadows of others with the shadow of his own.
Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce the Dark Knight.
The Dark Knight has been braided into the series thus far. The primal instinct to act, be a protective shield, have depth in the bedroom and acquaint oneself with darkness, is the Dark Knight quietly during the day and shining in the night.
The man with this primal instinct knows the only way you stand a chance with the darkness in the world is to activate your own.
In it’s most extreme form I believe it’s honorable death. The Dark Knight is willing to put his life on the line in the name of balancing the karmic scales. And not for any injustice, but the one that disrupts his value system engrained in the core of his being.
When his principles are threatened, the nice guy won’t be the one to get the job done.
If I’m being honest, niceties don’t solve dark problems. They solve a very specific problem, but not ones of this importance.
So a qualifier for the primal instinct… Does he have a deep acquaintance with his own darkness?
Fortunately or unfortunately it’s typically present with men who’ve experienced difficult upbringings or recurring trauma. I don’t believe it’s the only way, but sadly reflects the current circumstances.
Previously there were rites of passage from boyhood to manhood that were facilitated by other men. These were circumstances that required the Dark Knight to perform. The access to this part of his psyche was timed with his biology, supported by women and done with careful intention of the male leaders.
We’ve lost this practice. Amber Khan from Revolution Ramblings pointed out a few decades ago America still had some remembrances of this. A father buying the son his first car and learning to drive, a boy learning how to hunt and shoot a gun or moving out of the house at 18 to find work. All of these indicated a specific instance in time that marked, a new level of responsibility that required a different version of himself. No longer the carefree nature of a child, there is a societal weight to carry to contribute. A new expectation that he will act and take the higher road when it’s difficult, and knowing that the higher road isn’t popular and sometimes requires the primal reaction that was tested as a teen to stand for what’s right.
It’s ironic no? The higher road sometimes requires a “lower” expression.
I don’t think it’s how it’s meant to be. As someone who believes in an all loving God, I don’t believe that’s how it’s designed to be. We are evolving and becoming more enlightened but not everyone we engage with is on the same path. We are on our way to better forms of conflict resolution, we have to recognize where we are now.
The world is not in a state for a man to operate from niceties where a woman can be assured of her safety.
And I cannot trust if I don’t feel safe.
And I cannot follow if I don’t trust.
And I cannot relax if I have to lead.
And I cannot be radiant if I’m not relaxed.
And I cannot be in my body if my mind is stressed.
And I cannot be feminine if I’m not at home in my body.
And I cannot attract masculine if I’m not in my feminine.
And this is the cycle. Men softening the primal instinct leads to women taking control. Women taking control leads to men softening the primal instinct.
This is a by-product from our food, education, media, social movements, dating politics etc. The role reversal is being hit from every angle.
It is an act of rebellion to be a true man in America’s society, the man who unapologetically embraces his primal instinct. And it’s one so desperately needed.
As my friend texted above, it doesn’t feel good to be that guy. I imagine that in the past when women honored traditional rites of passage, she may not have agreed with his decision, but the man could be assured it would be respected.
Today, men aren’t even granted that. And it is a tragedy I can only empathize with.
In the past few years, I’ve realized to get things done, hold people accountable and assure my situation was taken care of, I had to be someone I didn’t like. And someone other people didn’t like.
I had to be a bitch.
And you know what’s wild? Rarely do people respect a bitch.
And even though I’m not a Dark Knight, there is a feminine version that is the sorceress of death.
I share this with you because were all addressing this in some way. The dark version of ourselves that would cut someone to shreds without an ounce of remorse. God wouldn’t create a spectrum that didn’t have utility. Rage, force, aggression and confrontation all have their purpose. It’s that taking energy, that makes you whole. You can call it Robinhood, being human or just how it is.
The Dark Knight is the primal instinct that brings order to the world of chaos. He confronts the shadows who tip the scales of deception, lies and terror. The capability of his violence represents his honor system, reverence for women and protection of what’s his.
As David Deida said: when a woman identifies your darkness, only then will she share her light.
From my perspective, no truer words have ever been spoken. One of the many dichotomies in the human existence; once I sense the lion, I’m safe to be the lamb.
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