Sexual Ravishment
The animal enters the bedroom.
Here is where the irony sets in, a good man is a bad boy too. Mirroring the male desire of a good woman who’s naughty behind the scenes.
Similar concepts, different embodiments.
This was explained to me by Mina Irfan and I think it’s brilliant. For the sexual polarity to take place as the animal, there has to be giving and taking. The animal instinct of sexual ravishment is a taking energy. This can be erotic or toxic and sometimes both.
We’ll look at it in it’s healthy expression, unhealthy expression, compare the phenomena in women and recap why I believe it’s important.
Healthy Expression
As with most things in life the ideal scenario is a man who can balance his instinct to give and take, and not let one side of the spectrum dominate the other.
Mina Irfan explained there is a space in the masculine psyche that only gives to others. The best example is a man tending to his family: running errands for his mom, checking on his sisters, spoiling his daughters etc. This group is categorized for giving only, not taking.
The other location in the masculine consciousness is taking. This is the hunter archetype that perks up when eyeing an attractive woman, feeling the surge of adrenaline or accepting the challenge of competition.
David Deida, author of “The Way of the Superior Man”, refers to “taking” as Ravishment. A dark desire connected to love.
Deida explains that “The dark feminine desire, to be forced to surrender, is as strong as the dark masculine desire to penetrate a woman’s resistance. The difference between rape and ravishment is love.”
Pause. Breathe. Reflect. That was a sentence with a lot of depth.
To ravish is “to enrapture, to fill someone with immense delight, or to carry someone off by force”
To ravage is “to devastate or destroy”
This is an important distinction. Our discussion is on ravishment not ravaging.
Ravishment as described by Deida, isn’t limited to sex. It also shows up in men’s desire to break though opponents in sport, challenge philosophical barriers to insight and even overcome the fear of death into freedom.
To apply this to women, he explains that breaking through a woman’s resistance is to open her heart and body into ecstasy. There’s a satisfaction in releasing the restraints in her psyche to love. The motive is love. The dark desire according to Deida is freedom. It’s the satisfaction of breaking chains, overcoming obstacles, ciphering problems to solutions. It’s liberating. The freedom of letting go of what was carried up the mountain. The satisfaction of release at climax.
Deida iterates women personify the chaotic nature of life. When there’s a switch flipped, confusion, sudden withdrawals from a woman it’s simply practice for how a man manages his own consciousness. For the nature of women is mirrored in life’s roller-coaster ride. If a man doesn’t claim what is his and determine the direction he walks, life will lead him subdued to the crashing wave of the ocean aka the emotional landscape of his woman. Instead of a captain on choppy waters, he’s drowning.
The power of a man’s presence in the feminine whirlwind displays courage, discipline, and fearlessness. These are attributes that are critical in the household, but also satisfying in the bedroom.
As a woman I find comfort in the stabilizing force of a man’s presence. I can be whirling around in emotion, thought and action, but when he tells me it’s time to stop and come back to the present it’s a well intended penetration of my chaotic swirl. He takes me back to the present moment with love because he is taken by me.
(Deida’s work also confirmed my philosophy on women representing the life force, which you can read more on here.)
Unhealthy Expression
What happens when the dark desire for freedom isn’t integrated? What if it’s denied, ignored and rejected? What occurs when the desire to conquer isn’t filtered through the lens of the heart?
Violence. Rage. And Hate.
The man who only operates from the extreme of the taker consciousness is threatening and dangerous. Abuse is a common byproduct.
There are other contexts less extreme but still harmful.
The man who only wants to have sex or use women for their resources are examples of unchecked taking energy. Grabbing without giving. Ravage not ravishing.
The potential for this expression is present in every man, yet I believe discipline and self-management allows him to move with it, instead of being ruled by it.
I will say, no one is perfect. Even those who’ve practiced self-mastery, likely have a taker switch that very specific instances flip. From my observation the switch is usually the temptation of sex or poorly timed disrespect.
In the instance of women with a feminine essence, the primal instinct of ravishment could be flipped without you intending. This masculine prowess to go 0-100 if unchecked can be shocking and overwhelming. I believe two things are important.
Establish rapport and trust with one another so this instinct is filtered by an emotional bond, not simply cardinal extremity.
Women need to speak up and take accountability for the context they’re choosing to connect with men. Going along to get along is always a bad idea. For some women it’s a matter of changing where and how they engage with men to begin with. Finding themselves in precarious situations from their own decisions.
There are moments when extreme times call for extreme measures. But I believe we’ve neglected this universal aspect in the male psyche. Taking is not a bad thing, it’s an evolutionary given. Both sexes need this element to survive and thrive. Today we receive collective messages that watering the taker down is how to balance it out.
Movements for inclusion and women empowerment have been at the forefront of these messages. Both have their place for bringing awareness to injustices. Unfortunately they didn’t recognize the taking energy was in its mal-adaptive form. The reaction was to over-simplify the taker as a villain which needs to be banished. This narrative has had a profound impact on the masculine and feminine consciousness.
I believe mixed signals from women claiming who should pay for what, opening the door and being independent have left men confused. Not knowing what opportunities men are invited to take advantage of, result in less masculine movement. Men navigate passively instead of with gusto and drive, in fear of insulting women or being categorized as a predator.
The taker is there for a reason and a function of sexual polarity with women. It displays a man’s leadership while affirming a woman’s desirability. This elicits a feeling of security, that the taker will secure resources and ravish a woman’s sexual desires. Some might need to dial it down. And honestly, others would like it if it was dialed up.
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Author’s note: If you’re interested in learning more about how to apply these concepts personally, feel free to email me to schedule health & wellness consulting
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