8 Quotes
That say it without actually saying it
Today someone sent me a reel of a preschooler using profanity. It wasn’t a cute misunderstanding. He screamed cuss words at the teacher in front of parents and students at his own graduation. My friend asked me… What would you do if that was your kid?
To sum up our conversation, we agreed and we disagreed. Both of us felt some ramification needed to be done publicly.
His thought was acknowledging it and correcting immediately.
My thought was leave, do it privately then make up and apologize publicly.
I think we both felt some component of shame (if that’s the right word) needed to be experienced in front of others to prevent it from happening again. The difference being his view was on the front end of the situation, mine on the back end.
I started reflecting on anger and how we differ in our expression. My reaction to anger is the lack thereof, I become still and silent. I give myself a lot of time before responding. In most cases, I can give a look and never have to form a sentence. My friend’s stance, among others, is to speak and let them know in that moment how he feels and the logic behind it.
There’s no right or wrong.
But I wondered as a parent, what are you saying from your response? Not from the words but the reaction. In what way does anger shape it? How does your disciplinary action translate? What’s the message if it’s done privately vs. publicly? What are you communicating to your child in addition to his peers and yours? Maybe it influences your approach, maybe it doesn’t. Yet, it’s these decisions that communicate something beyond your words, especially in a public forum for others to read.
I’m not interested in a complex discourse on child-rearing (at least at this time). But it begs the question, what are you saying without actually saying it?
In November, I taught a course to create awareness around this topic. I shared some videos with my subscribers you can review here. There’s also a short form post on my highlight reel on Instagram, or you can watch the screen recording on YouTube:
When I reflect on my own communication style, my best form is writing. I convey my thoughts most effectively pen to paper. Not even hands to keyboards or thumbs to text. Pen to paper. But others have different strengths. And I’ll be the first to admit sometimes words dilute the message altogether.
Some of the most powerful messages are delivered quietly, anonymously, artistically, through the senses, a well thought out gift or simply from someone’s presence.
When choosing to communicate with words as an artform, vivid metaphors and double entendre can be the best descriptive as well. Articulating the layered experience of an emotion, memory or parent raising a kid. My car salesmen Tyler is a good example of this.
Every time I asked how he was, he responded
“I got two feet and a heartbeat”.
Does he feel he has next to nothing? Or everything he needs? One sentence with many translations.
So I continue to ask: what are you saying without actually saying it? Enjoy 8 quotes that capture the precise and mysterious ways we communicate.
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