Underestimating Men's Awareness

Part 3 - A Video Series

Part 3 - (This does not apply to everyone 100% of the time)

I take a pivot from nurturing, but not in a way you might expect…

One of the most valuable things I’ve come to realize about men is they have a clear gage on what they are capable of giving. Especially when it comes to committed relationships.

I’m of the opinion men can accurately gage where they stand. This isn’t limited to women. It could be comparing their athleticism to the star player, knowing their rung in the corporate ladder and identifying where they stand in the pecking order with other men.

Even if it’s as crass as a “dick measuring contest” there seems to be a recognition on how men measure up to one another. I believe this keen observation of perceived masculinity applies to committing to women and seizing opportunities.

For whatever reason, myself included, I took for granted that men didn’t know what I wanted and I needed to repeat myself to make it clear. I’d remind him to start being the person, playing the role or showing up in different ways that confirmed my ideal version.

In the midst of a heart break it was an unlikely oracle (insane story on how we met, I may write about later) that offered a new paradigm of thinking. Instead of operating under the assumption that men were clueless and needed continual guidance and verbal instruction, I shifted my underlying assumption to his wisdom that men do know.

And if you don’t agree, that’s fine. Maybe they don’t on the onset, but they’re aware as soon as you communicate it. When a woman REPETETIVELY verbalizes her wants and needs an interesting translation happens…

It’s interpreted as a glaring light shining on a shortcoming. He knows he’s not stepping up to the plate. The hope is you don’t notice, will tolerate it or he’ll be able to connect with some of you instead of loosing all of you.

What’s painful, my oracle friend said to me, is he knows he’s not doing it and he knows he can’t. That’s what’s most upsetting. When a woman has the same conversation with him over and over and over again… It’s the feminine ruler pointing out yet again that there’s not enough coming to the table which doesn’t measure up. He’s a few inches shorter than what someone else is.

What the woman doesn’t realize (myself included) is the repetition quickly turns into the criticism of a nagging mother.

Uh-oh. The nurturing we’re trying to avoid.

So of course, I asked my unexpected prophesier what the solution is as a young woman dating who’s looking for a long-term partner.

He said, don’t say anything. When it’s clearly not there, don’t ask for it. The only time you bring up said “short coming” is when it’s time to walk away. It’s never in a tone that reduces a man or suggests he is less than. Simply state what you are looking for and that it doesn’t appear this is a match. Then walk the talk.

I believe one of the grave mistakes that leads to a woman over-nurturing is underestimating a man’s self-awareness. There’s more self-reflection than I believe women give men credit for.

Once she can properly identify what he has the capacity to give, she can set out to invest her resources in him properly.

I expand more on this concept in my video below:

“Leading with action is how men communicate their capability”

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Author’s note: If you’re interested in learning more about how to apply these concepts personally, feel free to email me to schedule health & wellness consulting

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