Truth Telling
Paint Splattering & Stippling
I was listening to a podcast by Ke’oni Hanalei. A hawaiian man who teaches the ancient wisdom of ferns passed down by his ancestors. Each fern has a different principal that can be seen in its physiology and energetic signature. This episode was based on the truth and the impact of one sentence has stayed with me for years: the greatest gift you can give anyone is clarity.
Knowing who you are and what you want doesn’t mean it stays the same. (I teach range for a reason). The lesson is to express your truth as you evolve.
I've learned there's two parts. For those clear enough to identify it and brave enough to express it, they have to know that’s still not sufficient. I used to think sputtering around brazen bits of honesty made me righteous. Utilizing the truth as a defense mechanism. Admittedly, I have weaponized honesty to hurt people and have been on the receiving end of it. I was naive and learned this is not proof of mastery.
Part one is owning the truth and articulating raw honesty, but delivery is the next task.
When it comes to delivery I’m not referring to a proper protocol. A polite, well worded soliloquy. Mental jujitsu as my friend calls it, setting each other up for well timed apologies and logistical counter points made where we see the others perspective.
The true call of honesty is an open heart no matter the packaging: anger, frustration, defeat, disappointment, confusion, crazy. Showing up and speaking with honesty from these experiences. Sometimes in the peak of them. The key here is if you allowed the heart to remain open or closed. That's the difference in delivery.
Being an observer of your emotions and surroundings is a powerful place to be in. But if you consistently remove yourself you might be surprised at how ineffective it is after a while… At the core of everything we desire connection. Observing and intellectualizing your emotions is an approach, but if you dismiss your own connection to them, you'll likely close off to another's attempt to meet you there.
This past week I was blind sided by a personal betrayal. Very difficult. When I gained the clarity of what happened, I accepted what was said and walked away. But the why is what I was looking for. Did I want it? Did I need it? Hard to say. Maybe both, maybe neither. Regardless, I walked back in a subtly not so subtly confrontation to get my clarity.
It escalated. And what was interesting was... I was conscious. I was intentional and aware of my actions. But it was a decision I made to express what was honest to me at that moment. Funny enough, it spiraled out. And then the person circled back around less than an hour later and the truth was delivered. The clarity was received.
You could argue many different things, but I believe that the truth of my moment, which was a surprise to both of us, opened the door for the other to deliver the truth they were withholding. Not exactly the pathway I would have chosen, but this is my teachings of range and truth into practice. I'm beginning to see the power of expression and truth. Even if it doesn't look as neat or organized as identifying attachment styles and politely giving point and counterpoint remarks. Some of the most effective communication is somatic. And more on that later.
I’m beginning to think it’s being witnessed in each expression that pulsates through us that creates the deepest form of intimacy. To be witnessed and accepted in the changing moment of the present. This acceptance is the greatest challenge we face with our loved ones and even with ourselves.
To be connected and removed at the same time is a gnarly balance. Connected enough to offer empathy and concern. Removed enough to recognize a wave of emotion, thought process or word choice does not define who we are. AND not allowing a wave of emotion , thought process or word choice to define who they are.
Should patterns be examined? Yes. Should emotions be in check? Yes. Should relationships have security and continuity? Yes.
Accepting change isn't an excuse for erratic or manipulative ways to deceive and hide your fears of being seen. There's a fine line here.
But I think if you want a depth of love and a testament of respect, you’ll have to make room to hear and state the truth. And become well versed in its many forms of packaging.
The true gift. 🎁
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