Three Questions that Changed My Life

I think it’s safe to say my entire life is based on the premise of questions. I love them.

I am equally energized of asking people questions, as I am with uncovering the answers. I live in a constant state of inquiry and discovery.

(For those of you who are interested in Human Design, I am a 5/1 profile aka Heretic Investigator.)

Now as much as I enjoy the wonder of curiosity and the treasure hunt to discovery, I have been on the opposite side inquisition. Questions can be daunting, exhausting and painful. Admittedly, I’ve employed my own avoidance techniques from certain QnA’s…

Now I’m in a space where I’m becoming more brave. Asking myself questions I don’t want the answer to and inquiring about controversial topics publicly. The hope in both cases, is to elicit discomfort that facilitate change.

Below are 3 questions that left a visceral impression on me.

Go ahead and add these to your arsenal.

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1. At what cost?

One of my favorite reframe questions.

To set the scene I was working a job I felt bamboozled me. I was NOT happy. Not only did the job description given to me never show up in my work day…. I was working inside medical buildings without sun light, exhausted from staring at a computer for 8 hours and finagled into a manager position without the title or pay.

Do you know how I was designated as “manager”? I received the assignment to check my co-workers work and turn in the mistakes to the boss… Now that’s one thing. But want to know the real cherry on top?

My boss was withholding their paychecks based on my reports.

What. The. Hell.

So here I am. I call a friend of mine who I’ve done consulting with. I tell her about the promise of building marketing experience, receiving my first employee benefits, making more money and really enjoying my co-workers.

And as I’m explaining the pros and trying to logic the cons, balancing my emotions while tip toeing around my reservations, she poses the questions.

At what cost?

If I stay at this job what is the cost? And it forced me to think big picture. Mentally, physically, energetically, financially etc.

At this location, there was pressure for vaccinations, false promises from the woman who hired me, eating my lunch in 20 degree weather in my car to get SOME natural light, exhausted at the end of every shift I could barely build what I wanted to.

And I had to re-evaluate. Sometimes we hold on tight to one or two elements that are really important, or things we literally fought to obtain. It could be money, status, experience or a specific building block you know you NEED for your future. But when you’re torn, settling or too damn comfortable, picture your future based on your exact present. No changes made. If this is what continued for infinity, ask yourself “At what cost?”

2. Is this mine?

This is one a mentor gave me in Hawaii. Something I’m not publicly open about is the transformation I had on the Big Island. I suppose there are things I discuss as far as vanity/physical appearance, living in harmony with the Earth, and how working with your hands is bound to change you.

But I’m talking energetically and spiritually. I had experience after experience that I could not explain and very few people know about. A whole new world opened up to me that I couldn’t see. It was clearly engaging with me and I was at a loss with how to interact with it.

My mentor helped me traverse this new ‘sight’ or more accurately 6th sense. For a period of time I did an exchange with her. We worked together in her garden, I would tell her about my experiences and she would advise me on how to manage them. Then she’d give me a book to read to solidify my understanding. I’d read it and return a week or two later and weed to get my next lesson.

She prompted me with this question. It’s one of the most USEFUL for anyone who identifies as sensitive or empathic.

If you are in the middle of your day experiencing an emotion, particular thought patterns or pain in the body, ask yourself: Is this mine?

You’ll receive a response immediately.

The power of this is the power of you. Affirm you’d like to release what is not yours and replenish the empty space with the highest version of yourself.

You don’t need to spend time or mental energy analyzing where it’s from or how you held on to it.

For me, it works in reverse now. If I listen to someone talking about their experience, I’ll receive the mental note that it’s “not theirs”.

It’s easy to pick up on what’s around you: family conflict, media programming and even things that exist in non-physical form. Daily checks and releases in my car is usually how I go about it. And if you’re confused, overwhelmed or can’t shake something, get still and ask “Is this mine?”

3. What inspired ______?

Funny enough all of these questions have Hawaii roots for me. I first heard this phrasing from the woman I lived with on the farm.

I like this question because it has a lot of range. And I would say it’s more of a prompt for you to use.

When it first landed in my ears, I liked the way it sounded and felt. I don’t even remember the first time I heard it because she said it often. But it has the variety I like. You can use it casually, personally, professionally and in tense dialogues.

Examples:

• I meet someone on the plane and they tell me their child switched majors in the middle of their education. The tone is questionable, they could talk more about it, but not sure how to speak on it in a neutral light. I’ll ask “What inspired the change?”

• A close friend is going back and forth with a boyfriend. Can’t decide to stay or leave. I receive a call and she’s still stuck in this internal debate. As a friend, it’s tricky and personal and tough love is what I want to lay out for her but know it’s not the move. I ask “What’s inspiring the decision to stay?”

• Someone calls me in to interview and tells me about role and organization. They ask if I have any questions. (I always do). I’ll ask “What inspired you to join the company?”

• The man I’ve been talking to has been hot and cold with communication and meeting up. I’m over it, annoyed but still want answers. I know to get the information I want has to be done with a certain approach. When he circles back I’ll say “I’ve noticed that communication has been inconsistent. What inspires you to reach out after there’s been time apart?”

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What I like the most about this verbiage is it’s non-invasive. You can get accurate information in a way that gives the person the autonomy to answer, and explain themselves without feeling like they’re being cross-examined.

It’s disarming. And that approach is the most effective way to receive information. It also takes the tone of judgment, frustration and accusation out of you.

This prompt is the perfect replacement for “Why?'“ which can translate in a number of ways, some of which you didn’t intend. Why did your child change majors? Why are you still with your boyfriend? Why are you working this job? Why are you talking to me again?

See what I mean? The “why” can be packed with bottled emotions that puts the other on the defensive. Replace it with inspired.

It’s great for every conversation.

Let me know any questions that have been impactful in your world! Ones you’ve had to answer or ask yourself. Comment or reply to this email.

Consider donating on paypal , cashapp , or venmo (@el_eanordavid) to support my work

If you’re interested in more of my reflections, you can check out my Instagram