Mystery
The final component of this series is mystery.
For women, mystery encompasses fashion, esteem, allure and emotional depth.
Mystery reflects my theory on the life force, because it’s the crux of our existential crisis.
How did we get here? And what happens when we leave? How life came to be and what’s in store afterwards is humanity’s greatest mystery.
There are religious texts, scientific findings and stories that have been told for generations. Yet somehow the puzzle pieces are firm for some, incomplete for others, and even useless for another. No matter where you stand in your beliefs, there’s no denying that imagination has filled in where the mystery remained.
To explain how mystery is a polarity to men is to have a conversation about the brain.
Yesms. Left brain versus right brain.
If we think of the masculine expression, it addresses left brain functioning. This includes problem solving, completion of tasks, singular focus etc. We often describe people who are savvy with math and science as being very “left brained”. Feminine expression reflects right brain functioning. This would be the realm of imagination, emotions, image recognition, abstract thinking etc. Someone who is artistic or ‘random’ in their thinking would be considered “right brained”.
To eliminate gender norms, left brain activity is separating the parts from the whole. This is analytical and detail oriented. Right brain activity converges separate pieces into one cohesive whole. This is creative and imaginative.
So how does this brain talk relate to men and women unifying?
Mystery speaks to the masculine consciousness aka left brain functioning because there’s a natural urge to reconcile the information.
A very fun and playful way to engage this dynamic is fashion. Virginia Postrel outlined her theory on glamour with the concept “Conceal to Reveal”. This is when you draw attention to an element without giving it away in it’s entirety. This could be hats, sunglasses, gloves, tights etc. The accessories draw attention, yet covers the hair, eyes, hands or legs. Curiosity is peaked and something tugs at you to come closer.
It’s a playful game of the woman saying, I know what you see and I know what you don’t. And the man responds, I know what I see and I’d like to know what I don’t. When the visual has peaked interest, it elicits the response of the man pursuing and trying to “figure her out”. Thus taking her whole presentation and analyzing the different features.
Another, less sexy way of women representing mystery is her vast emotional depth. I believe since women were designed to make the non-physical, physical through child birth, she has a deeper connection to the non-physical elements of the human experience. This includes emotions, intuition, spiritual insight and empathy. This is not to say men are immune, because that’s not the case. But men have been evolved to rule the domain of the tangible. Activities such as building, physical protection, and identifying things in the environment that don’t belong.
Today in our modern society, there’s a great amount of overlap. Women engage in more physical activities i.e. assembly lines, weight lifting. And men’s new social demands require a different level of emotional intelligence. I see both sides of our current system.
However, the polarity of attraction can be understood from genetic history and evolutionary psychology. When the feminine expresses a range of emotion in a shortened amount of time, it is foreign to the masculine. A very simple example is women’s menstruation. In her reproductive years, a woman’s neural network can fluctuate up to 25% within a month. This is in addition to the daily hormonal changes she experiences. In comparison to a woman’s 30 day cycle, a man’s hormonal cadence is 24 hours. Biology is one example of how women experience a range men don’t mirror.
This can be frustrating for those who lack body literacy or communication skills with their partner. But this can also be playful and a fun way to laugh with one another at how different our experiences and perceptions are.
To wrap this point up, I would like to add the feminine, right-brain consciousness is also the realm of the dark. To be intimately connected with life leaves room for a great understanding of death and endings. Women’s menstruation is an example of this cycle. Within the spectrum of human emotion is deep pain. Within mother nature is tragic destruction. Within loving mothers is a viscous protector. These are a few examples of the range we see at any point of time.
When not manipulative, I believe it can be a great attribute. To be dynamic keeps things interesting, even if it’s not all bright and shiny. I also believe when women wax and wane their desires, it offers an opportunity for men to operate in their strength, as pursuers and problem-solvers. It’s a matter of women granting permission, speaking kindly, and expressing gratitude. Once complete, the cycle starts again.
To address how mystery has disappeared from the woman’s experience, is to notice it’s absence in our culture.
The movement of fashion and sex appeal has prioritized explicit expressions. There’s little to the imagination, and appeals to a man’s visual excitement, but not much else.
Social media has created a space of full-on transparency where once again… little is left to the imagination. It’s become normal for everyone to know where you are, what you’re doing, when you’re there and for how long. I believe it’s affected how we relate interpersonally, but also our poise and class.
When I think of poise and class there’s a key element of preciousness. There’s an underlying belief that their time, attention, and physical surroundings is precious. You know this because they handle everything intentionally and with care. Sharing a thought or opinion, the way they stand, or how they conduct themselves in the moment. There’s an intimacy, care and respect.
Social media has a multitude of functions and is meant for many expressions. But I don’t see poise often and it’s an observation I wanted to address.
I find the same observation holds true in corporate structures and daily living. Everything is about the bottom line, what can I see, what have you produced, show me so I can deem you worthy. The mystery in our current structure takes shape as corruption and scandal.
Yet, mystery can be playful, sensual, classy and alluring. It can be the wonder of witnessing someone in their element or talking to a beautiful woman without requiring results.
Most don’t drive themselves crazy trying to solve the existential crisis of how we got here or what happens when it’s over. In fact, most teachings say to enjoy the ride while we’re here. Sometimes seeking understanding is a distraction. The mystery is the unknown, but doesn’t have to rob the pleasure of what is known.
