Fierceness. A sought after attribute. At least for myself. It’s a prowess. A strength that is also sexy.
Recently, I’ve been observing women’s expression online. And something has stood out to me. This fierce “fuck you” expression. Now, this is not a typical approach of mine. And I get turned off, and wonder what gave them the impression this was a good idea.
But I took a moment to check myself. I believe all emotions and expressions are valid. And just because I’m not fond or comfortable in one, doesn’t mean it’s not valid for another.
So with this in mind, I asked myself a new question.
How effective is this? Is your expression getting you the desired outcome? And if not, is your expression positioning others to take you seriously? And it was this line of questioning that got me thinking.
I’m not upset about your expression.
I’m upset it’s not being respected.
I see what’s needed for others to take your request seriously. And I have an expectation, for better or for worse, to have you communicate to receive results, not simply for online catharsis.
What could this expectation be?
Elegance.
Wait. I thought we were talking about fierceness.
Yes. We are. I don’t think this expression is explained enough, nor exemplified. And I’d like to challenge the idea that grace and ferocity can live in the same space.
The belief working against this idea is you have to be loud to be fierce. The roar is required to get your point across. And there are instances where that is certainly the case.
But I wonder… how far does that take you? I believe it provides the pause for attention towards you. But I don’t think the roar is the strategy that goes the distance.
This is where I introduce grace, a key component of elegance.
To be graceful requires a deep level of intentionality. That’s the irony. Grace is executed with ease, but it’s done so at the result of great effort. A concept I’m fond of in fashion is sprezzatura, which I’ve heard defined as “the art within the art”. All of the artistry, strategy and work come together to present effortlessness.
The final result is what’s captivating.
Why is this effective? Especially in regards to men?
It’s inherently feminine. It’s a presence, a posture, a state of being that is both enchanting and intriguing.
There’s two components to elegance. One is visual. The first impression you’ve created with the “sprezzatura” of your self-care and personality. The second is action.
Men are in awe by elegance because, it’s the opposing polarity of their nature. There’s a natural curiosity with something appealing and novel. But at their core, I question how relatable grace is. Especially men who’s masculinity is centered around force, action, and leadership. There’s a mystifying effect elegance leaves. A power signature that doesn’t require the effort men are accustomed to.
However you choose to enhance your beauty is the act of sprezzatura. Your style, hair, skin-routine, scent, attitude, charm is the art within the art. All of your decisions and routines result in the beauty of your presentation. Beautiful women capture attention. Graceful women hold attention.
The action of elegance is the movement of soft intentionality. Both pieces are required.
Softness without intentionality is susceptible.
Intentionality without softness is domineering.
The lack of softness is what I’ve witnessed recently. Which is fine at different times. But it’s also an approach men are familiar with. They will meet challenge with challenge or discard the opponent they view as uncompetitive.
The combination of softness and intentionality is what’s effective in holding attention and negotiating the desired outcome. The intention is clear, laser focus which men (the masculine) can relate to.
The softness doesn’t mean pushover as we’ve associated it to be. In this context, softness is taking close care of how you interact with your surroundings. A light touch with your environment is anything from how you sit down, play with your hair, or put your phone in your purse. What this translates is several things:
There’s a respect for your environment, because you are not carless with your treatment.
There’s no desperation with holding onto something tight or a state of anxiety or eagerness.
You’re in total control. You move in your own tempo, on your own time. This is through body language and speech.
This is what peaks curiosity, holds attention, and creates reception with men. More runway for you to make your point, to achieve your desired outcome.
Fierceness is a deep knowing, a clear vision. We’ve seen this played out with the vast width of anger and passion.
But I believe the other expression is narrow and deep with the art of intrigue wrapped around it. It’s a force with a different shape, and one men tend to perk up to, not dismiss.
As we continue to advocate and express ourselves, there’s an inherent quality that’s designed specifically for us, the art form of fierce elegance.
I love the depth and breadth of your musings. This one really makes me consider the concept and impact of navigating with grace and elegance. I have wrongly associated elegance with putting on airs. In reconsidering it in this context, I.e. pairing it with grace and strength, I see how powerful it can be.